Jealousy is killing my relationship!

This week Didi tackles the sensitive topic of jealousy in a relationship.

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Now, onto this week’s question…

Hi Didi,

I’m really worried that my girlfriend is going to dump me because of my jealousy issues, but I just can’t stop acting like this!

I do trust her but my mind races when I see her talking to other men – even work colleagues. It’s crazy but I really can’t help it.

I’ve tried keeping quiet about my feelings but then they just build up and I get really angry and accuse her of all sorts of things that deep down I know aren’t true.

How can I get past this?

Robert M.

Hi Robert,

There are two types of jealousy; psychological and circumstance based.

You have acknowledged that some of your jealous thoughts are simply imagined so it seems your jealousy is psychological since your girlfriend has not actually done something to provoke these feelings.

The best way to deal with psychological jealousy is to worth through the reasons behind it. You say that you trust your girlfriend, but if that’s the case then you wouldn’t have such strong feelings about her cheating.

Have you tried to communicate your feelings with her? Try making ‘a date’ to sit down and talk this through with her. Make an effort to describe exactly how you feel as calmly as possible. Use phrases like ‘When ‘X’ happens, I feel…’ rather than ‘You always…’ or ‘Why do you…’.

Think about how you view yourself. Do you have negative feelings about your appearance, personality or career? Not being 100% happy with yourself can contribute to having jealous feelings about others.

If you’re going to get past this you’ve got to be committed on working on yourself and not blaming or accusing your girlfriend. When you feel comfortable and happy you’ll find these jealous feelings will subside.

Best of luck  - I’d love to hear how you go.

Didi xxx

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